Chuck Norris facts

Post Chuck Norris facts here (=



Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minute movie

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris kicked one of the corners off.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.






Write find chuck norris in google and press i'm feeling lucky
You'll see what will come up



I'll post some more later

lmao wow those are hilarious...

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon 67 7.328

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things. C

When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris knows every number of pi.

182_Angels_Blink wrote:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

my favourite Chuck Norris fact EVER.

182_angels_blink wrote:

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity and back - twice.


Chuck Norris is died five years ago, but death is afraid to tell him.

Chuck Norris once decided to sell his urine as a canned beverage, it is now known as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the world down.

Chuck Norris invented every color known to man. Except for pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris and Superman made an arm-wrestling bet once.
The loser would have to use his underwear over his pants.

Producers replaced Chuck Norris with Jack Bauer after realizing that a show called "24 Hours" would probably
be more popular than a show called "0.002 Seconds".

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

If Chuck Norris is late, the best thing for time to do is to slow down